Being :: A Mother

Being: Conscious, mortal existence; life.

Every month we welcome two families, two people, two voices to share their stories in whatever way they chose. We hope that you find joy in their daily lives, and their simple habit of just being.

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“There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light comes in” ~ Leonard Cohen

Growing up I wished to be many things. Ballerina, doctor, writer…the options were numerous but none of these careers ever overshadowed my desire to be a mother. I would juggle work and kids and make every moment special. My house would be clean and nicely decorated. We would entertain and travel. Perfection.

I am a perfectionist. The straight A student, the good girl. I am the one in the family with the highest achievements and performances. I was always praised for that. I feel that I am what I accomplish and how I accomplish it. Perform. Perfect. So I approached motherhood with the same sense of dedication as everything I did in life. I read all the books on parenting, did comparative research on strollers, researched extensively to find a pediatrician, agonized on the best baby carrier and made excel sheets for feedings and expected everything to work out for the best: perfection. I can feel you snickering…
It started with the less than perfect house, the piles of laundry, the messy shirt and the 4 p.m showers (if ever). The burnt meals and the unread books. Things improved with time, I was better organized, I purged and color coded. I let go of some of my expectations and learned to be better at other things. Still I had a lingering feeling of “not enoughness”. My children deserved better, more….I wasn’t baking, we didn’t take the hiking trips, we didn’t travel much…I could only think of all those things I didn’t do. I wanted their childhood to be special, filled with adventures and joy. I let myself be wrapped in that feeling, and I started missing out on things because I was chasing down the extraordinary. The perfect.
Things are changing. I am more mindful now. It didn’t come at once nor am I immune to falling back into my old habits. I am a recovering perfectionist and my mantras are “done is better than perfect” and “joy is in the little ordinary moments”. Mothering is messy and humbling and full of joy if you stop breathe and look. I make myself slow down every time I write in my journal or pick up my camera. I learned to step away and gift myself with time and solitude so I could recharge and come back as a better parent.

And as much as it annoyed me to hear it when I was tired and sleep deprived, I will say this: enjoy it, because they grow up so fast.

This month we welcome Imene Said Kouidri as a guest in our Being series.  A photographer and mother of three, Imene shares her reflections on daily life alongside her beautiful photography on her blog, which you can visit here.

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Rhythm of the Home is an online magazine for families that focuses on creating with children, nature explorations, seasonal celebrations, conscious parenting, and mindfulness in all that we do.   To learn more about us, please visit us on Facebook,Pinterest, and Twitter.

We welcome new submissions for our upcoming seasons. To learn more about submitting, please visit our magazine.