Being: Conscious, mortal existence; life.
Every month we welcome two families, two people, two voices to share their stories in whatever way they choose. We hope that you find joy in their daily lives, and their simple habit of just being.
In a short phone conversation, Truman, my son said to me, “I’m mad at you. Mommy, you didn’t listen to me when I told you NOT to go away.”
I had just put my swim suit on when the phone rang. My mother in law said that Truman was upset. But in that moment, I wanted to pull him into my lap and explain how much Mommy and Daddy need time away sometimes. But, my husband and I are 6 hours away on our yearly weekend getaway with 14 of our friends. We made a pact years ago before kids that we would continue to cultivate our relationships and our marriages every year.
There was no deep explanation to Truman. In fact, after a few seconds on speaker phone with him. He had walked away, I guess he had said what he was feeling and there wasn’t more to say. My sweet Mother in Law assured us that he would be fine, but I felt a twinge of guilt. I want him to feel listened to. And when I get home, I hope he will see that this time we spend away from him brings us back refreshed, relieved and ready to love him better than when we left. And I remember that when I feel that mother guilt creeping up. I am a better mother by floating on a lake with my girl friends, playing a rousing game of kickball, reading books, painting my toenails and spending lots of time with my husband.
My friend (a writing professor) asked me what I was writing about and after I explained what I wanted to say he exclaimed “just write this ‘I feel guilty when I relax and it’s stupid.’ ” And he’s exactly right. But little by little, I’m learning. And how does one learn how to do anything without practice?
I believe that taking time for your spouse is essential. To remember why they are in love– recharging, connecting, playing. They will most likely come home and be better parents.
And I’m training Truman to be a husband now. And if I can teach him how to take time for his marriage, with our own marriage. One day he’ll understand that I did listen to him. And I chose to be a better mommy.
Do you take trips with your spouse? How do you cultivate your relationships to become a better parent and a spouse?
We hope you will join us in welcoming Mary to the blog during this month of June! Mary will be here each Wednesday to share her photographs and reflections with us. You can read more about Mary’s life as an art director and parent on her own blog The Yellow Door Paperie.
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Rhythm of the Home is an online magazine for families that focuses on creating with children, nature explorations, seasonal celebrations, conscious parenting, and mindfulness in all that we do. To learn more about us, please visit us on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.
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{ 2 comments }
I don’t have children yet, but when I was growing up, my mom always took trips – usually one a year with my dad, and one a year alone (to see her sisters). As a little kid, of course I hated it and felt abandoned. But as I grew up, I came to really appreciate the example that my mom set for me. As I prepare for my own children, I am deeply grateful to my mom for showing me what healthy mothering looks like – that it’s important to have some “recharge” time, for yourself and for your marriage, in order to mother in the best way possible. I struggle with a lot of serious health conditions (a major part of why my husband and I don’t have kids yet), and I know that when we do have children, it will be a tough road for us. Motherhood will take a lot out of me, and possibly set me back quite a bit health-wise. I’m so glad that I had a mom who taught me that it’s okay to care for yourself as a mother, because I know those lessons are going to be priceless when I am a mother myself, particularly with my unique issues!
As a kid of single mom I never really experience this. However now that I am a mom I am in desperate need of a vacation with my husband. We both invision it all the time. Getting away for the weekend. But we have two very attached little girls one 2 1/2 and one 11 months. We’re going to try and get them used to a babysitter so that we can go out once a month. Then hopefully after a while we can take a weekend away.
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